You’re muted Lord Mayor

Oct – 

We’re now going to go into the comfort break. 

But before we go, 

I would just like to remind people that we are live streaming here 

So if you leave your microphone switched on…. 

…anybody can hear what you’re saying. 

So please, before you go to your comfort break, which is from now,

 until ten to four,

if you’d all like to mute your microphones.

Just a minute, just a minute! 


We’re going to make that

quarter to four, 

…because the clock I’m looking at 

….is wrong. 

[sounds of breathing]


Sept –

I’m going to take a mid-afternoon comfort break now. 

Could we all be back here for quarter past four.

“Thank you, Lord Mayor,”

“Lord Mayor, you might want to mute.”


“Hello Mick”


“Hello Mary”


[shuffling sounds]

“D’yer, er…. have you seen Boris is giving a press conference.

And he’s got a new slogan. 

…It’s ‘hands, face and space’”

“It’s not hands, face and boomps-a-daisy is it?”


….its hands, face and space.”

“knees and toes, knees and toes!’”


“How’s your business going to cope Jayne?” 

[Cllr Jayne Dunn owns a beauty salon]

“Don’t get your hands anywhere near their face!”

“A lot of Jayne’s work takes place well away from the face.” 


“what are you implying?!” says Cllr Jayne.

“I’m sure that all of Jayne’s work is extremely hygienically done” says Cllr Sue

“Thank you, Sue, and it is. 

It’s like an operating theatre in my salon. 

You’d be very impressed Sue with my PPE, 

no corners cut”

OK – are we all back in our places?


I’m now going to call a ten-minute comfort break.

So I’d like you back here please at uuummmm fifty-five, fifty-six Something like that. Thank you.


Oh, would you all please mute ya….[silence]

“You’re on mute Lord Mayor”

“You’re muted”

“We can’t hear you Lord Mayor”

Yeah,. Would you please make sure you mute yourselves before you leave your station and er….

….because it’s all being streamed live anyway.

Thank you. 

[ten minutes of silence]

“Alan, have you got your mike on?….Councillor Law, have you got your mike on?”

“Alan’s muted” 


“Well, it’s been fun so far”

“Hello. I can hear voices. Are they real or are they in my head again?”

“Well they should be muted. The Lord Mayor said mute”

“Oh, alright then… I always do as I’m told”


OK. Are we all…. are we all back? Not quite. 

Dec –

I’m now going to adjourn for a quick comfort break. 

Can I just remind all those who are still here to put your machines on mute…


we can’t halt the process of the whatever it is. 

So, you need to mute yourselves…         

… before you leave your machine. 


“How you going Pete?” says Cllr Roger

“Not so bad…. I’m just eating a Gregg’s mince pie” says Cllr Pete

“hmm. Gregg’s yeah?”

“D’you know that Gregg’s at the end of the day give their leftover stuff to Bens” 

[Bens is a Centre for Vulnerable People]

“Gregg’s are a very good company.” 

They look after their staff as well”

“Certainly, Bens have benefitted from them”

“So’s my waistline Roger!”

I just want to remind people that this is still going out on the webcast. 

So, it’s still live. 

Anything your say now can be heard by the public 

who are listening 

on the webcast.

“You’re the best Lord Mayor we’ve ever had Tony”


March –

I’m now going to adjourn for a comfort break until 3.15 please. If you’d all be back her for 3.15. Thank you. 

Oh, just before you go. 

Just before you go guys. 

For today’s, meeting, the method being used to livestream the meeting directly from zoom rather than via the webcasting equipment in the council chamber does means that  we will be unable to pause the livestream. For the benefit of the viewing public, we will display a notice on the livestream indicating that the meeting has been temporarily adjourned and giving the time that the meeting will reconvene. However, it will mean that if any member unmutes and speaks during the adjournment, this will be heard by the public. If there is a need to communicate privately during the period of the adjournment then using the zoom chat facility would be an option. Thank you. You may now go. Hah ha ha ha hah ha.

“Thank you Lord Mayor”. 

[15 minutes of silence]

“I’ve opened up every door. And she’s laid outside. So I’m Bloody freezing now”. Says Cllr Andy Bainbridge

“We can hear you Andy”. Says Councillor Gail

“we can hear you”. 

“Oh sorry”. Says Cllr Andy

“Andy Bainbridge, named and shamed”. Says Cllr Garry Weatherall:


Start again. Welcome back everyone. We’re now onto item 8. 

Jan – 

I’m now going to adjourn for a comfort break. 

Be back here for 3.15. 

On the dot. 

Oh – could you please ensure that you mute yourselves,

because the live streaming is still live, 

even though you may not think it is. 

So, if you just put yourselves on mute to ensure that anything you say 

is not overheard. 

Anything you say 

that you shouldn’t want to be overheard, 

is not overheard, should I say. 




[sounds of breathing]

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